Compatible Mating

by David Green
RUF Lehigh Summer Conference 2005

I.   Factors in identifying a suitable mate

A.   No two people will be identical – nor should they be

B.   What you are looking for is compatibility, not identity

C.   What is compatible for you may not be compatible for someone else

II.    Religion

A.    A Christian – non-negotiable

B.    Spiritual vitality

C.    Spiritual maturity

D.    Theology

1.    Which of your theological positions which are non-negotiable?

E.    Style

1.    E.g. type of music, format of worship, level of formality

2.    More important than you might think

3.    For most people today, style is more important than doctrine

4.    The most obvious denominational differences are stylistic

III.    Personality

A.    SP – Artisan

1.    Basic personality

a.    His life goal, his long-term pursuit: impact – make a splash, command attention

b.    What motivates him: his impulses, immediate interests – he is spontaneous, impetuous

c.    His favorite emotional state: being excited – charged up by an outside excitement

2.    Playmate

a.    Fun

b.    Irresponsible

3.    Liberator parent

a.    Goal: let the little tykes enjoy life

b.    Tendency: permissive, indulgent

B.    SJ – Guardian

1.    Basic personality

a.    His life goal, his long-term pursuit: belong to social units – family, church, club

b.    What motivates him: authority – he is obedient

c.    His favorite emotional state: being concerned – charged up when others deviate from social units or morals

2.    Helpmate

a.    Responsible

b.    Dull

3.    Socializer parent

a.    Goal: shape the little brutes to conform to social norms

b.    Tendency: controlling

C.    NF – Idealist

1.    Basic personality

a.    His life goal, his long-term pursuit: live romantically

b.    What motivates him: his intuition, gut feeling – he is intuitive

c.    His favorite emotional state: being enthusiastic – charged up by internal ideas

2.    Soulmate

a.    Deep, meaningful

b.    Introspective, moody

3.    Harmonizer parent

a.    Goal: form close bonds with the little cherubs

b.    Tendency: smothering, over-involved

D.    NT – Rationalist

1.    Basic personality

a.    His life goal, his long-term pursuit: achievement – accomplish specific goals

b.    What motivates him: his reason – he is analytical

c.    His favorite emotional state: being calm – dislikes being charged up

2.    Mindmate

a.    Interesting

b.    Distracted

3.    Liberator parent

a.    Goal: let each child develop his own individual interests and abilities

b.    Tendency: neglectful, under-involved

IV.    Cultural values

A.    Formed by background

B.    Education

C.    Arts

D.    Sports

E.    House

F.    Dress

G.    Money

H.    Role of in-laws and extended family

I.    Home life: privacy, visitors, schedule, etc.

V.    Life Goals

A.    Vocation

B.    Children

C.    Location

D.    Income level

VI.    Special Interests

A.    Arts

B.    Sports

C.    Hobbies

D.    Vacations

VII.    No one will perfectly match all your desired characteristics

A.    There are no perfect people. You will not be a perfect spouse either.

B.    Prioritize. Know which characteristics are most important and decide to be satisfied with someone who has them.